12 years ago, at this time, it was still just me

12 years ago today, at this time I was in being poked, prodded, monitored and medicated. I was induced into a labour that never progressed into anything further than a crap load of pain that made even my hair hurt. I even had the joy of passing kidney stones at the same time, (more about that later), and throwing every maternity ward nurse into a tizzy because they knew how to deliver babies not kidney stones. 12 years ago today, at this time, I kept straining over my nurse's head to watch a new type of reality game show called "Survivor" to keep my mind off my fear of how my life was going to change forever. And laying there thanking God for the invention of epidurals and morphine (for the kidney stones). 12 years ago today, at this time, facebook was not on my mind, (I am pretty certain it wasn't even on Mark Zuckerberg's either). What was on my mind was "was it going to be a boy or a girl?", and "Please God, let my baby be healthy despite what the medical texts say". Infection and fever was setting in on me. And the doctor could only imagine that my baby had the same thing going on with him/her. 12 years ago today, at this time the doctor told us we'll have to do a ceasarian in the morning. She didn't really specify a time, but we figured sometime after she'd had a good night's sleep. So my sister, who had been waiting so patiently all day to see her first niece/nephew arrive, went home to get some sleep and return in the morning... To be continued in a few hours :D But, before I go... For those of you ladies who have never experienced kidney stones but have been in labour... When a man tells you kidney stones hurt. Believe him and don't come back with "Oh ya? Suck it up! Try labour pains!" Because I can say, without a doubt, from the experience of having both AT THE SAME TIME, kidney stones hurt MORE!!! Cut the guy some slack and take him to the hospital. It's even worse for men. He needs morphine. LOTS OF IT! I'm back :D 36 minutes ago · Like Cheri Koschir 12 years ago today, at this time, it was still just me. But only for a few moments longer. The final moments, strapped to an operating table all 250lbs of pregnant me and my baby. Fear, excitement and anticipation wrapped me like a blanket while the doctors and nurses worked through what was just another day to them. It was actually the beginning of a new day for everyone. But it was the beginning of a new life for two of us. Me and my baby. The doctor changed her mind and decided not to sleep but instead to make a sleepy, crooked incision across my abdomen and change my life forever. 32 minutes ago · Like Cheri Koschir 12 years ago today, at this time, I no longer felt the labour pains. I no longer was passing a kidney stone that felt like a jagged boulder ripping through my body. What I felt was the surgical instruments cutting through the chemically numbed muscles of my uterus and heard the unimportant chatter of the hospital staff. Talks of plans to Disney World and what not. Nothing I really cared about too much in the moment. I missed my sister and wished she were there for all of what I was thinking. 28 minutes ago · Like Cheri Koschir 12 years ago today, at this time, I felt the tugging and pushing and pulling of the tiny little body that fluttered, then kicked and turned and rolled inside my body. The little alien being I had been reponsible for for so long, without ever seeing its eyes. A love that grew and multiplied and ripened until that moment. And exploded out into this world with screams and cries. And in that moment, at 1:34 am, my son was born! Covered with gunk and goo. And in that moment, 12 years ago today, at this time, I looked into his age old eyes and I knew. I finally knew what it meant to love someone so much I was willing to kill or die for him. In that moment, he introduced me to the most powerfull emotion there ever was. He gave me the gift of what every first born child gives. He was the first to give me the gift of knowing the power of love. He gave me the gift of being his mother. 12 years ago today, at this time, I touched the softest skin and looked into the oldest eyes I had ever seen of my first born son, Julian, and fell in love with the tiniest, most powerfull person in my life. He gave me the most beautifull gift there can ever be. One that I do not take lightly or for granted. A gift that was always wanted by my sister, and by so many others, but was never given. Thank you Julian for the 12 years of the love and joy you have given me. 12 years ago today, at this time, you changed my life from it being just me, to forever being US. And gave me courage to keep it growing to more than I had every expected ir deserved and now have been given the gift of three voices calling out to me... "Mommy" Happy Birthday my sweet baby boy! You deserve so much more in return for the gift of motherhood you have given me, but I hope my words in this note will do for now. I love you!